the loss of feeling.
I’ve been gone for a long time. I recently had a death in family and all the pain and emotions that go along with that made me realize how much I missed writing. I used to write on a daily basis when I was younger, whether in a journal for as poetry, mostly it was both mashed together. It such a personal way of relieving built up emotions for me.Today that got me thinking why I spent so much time writing it all down, but not actually talking to anyone about it.
I am a very happy, optimistic person and sometimes it can feel difficult to express emotions that divert from my usually, happy bubbly personality. A big part of that is fear, that someone might not understand that this is the place I am in right now, and not who I am as a person. I think this is a big reason that mental health has become so wide spread in our society. The majority of us are not really taught to express ourselves in school or in work, it something very difficult that we have to figure out on our own. As teenagers, angst is something that is said to be “normal”, and largely it is… but what if that labeling prevents our youth from really understanding how to deal with those emotions?
I am blessed with a very supportive family. We did not go without throughout my life and I feel so lucky to have the opportunities that I do, however, I still have gone through very painful times and suffered through depression. We should not feel guilty for these feelings just because our lives as a whole are not tragic. Emotions are real, and tangible, we all have them. I wish it were more acceptable for us to share our feelings, for both men and women. We should not suffer alone or feel the need to hide our sadness, or our joy for that matter.
I have been so overwhelmed by the kindness my work place has shown me in the last week since my Grandmothers death. At no point was I made guilty for my tears, or my need to take time off. I even received several emails from my supervisors offering their condolences. What worries me is the reactions of my friends when I tell them my workplaces kindness is the majority of them are surprised. Why has it become so socially unacceptable to act emotionally? To show kindness and sympathy beyond a mass produced hallmark card? This will be the downfall of North American society, our lack of empathy for the world around us, both within our human community and the natural world. This is the greatest source of my feelings of depression in my life. I feel like we have lost what truly makes us human, our need to communicate how we feel, and why.
That’s my spiel for today. It’s a little ironic that the way I chose to express my emotional frustration was my tumblr that I don’t generally share with anyone familiar. I guess we may all play a part in the grand loss of communication. Facebook, tumblr, twitter and even instagram all play a part in making it so easy to communicate to the worldwide community with as little actual emotion as possible. Ok maybe that last bit was a little too cynical of me… but I did start writing because of how frustrated I felt. If you have any thoughts on this let me know! Maybe we can make each others day just a little bit better because of it.
My name is Emma, I am terrible at admitting I’m sad or mad, or anything I feel outside of the happy zone really… but I’d like to change that. I think a lot of you probably feel the same, so lets talk about it.